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Monday, February 22, 2010

Kick to the head

I should not let my daughter see me naked anymore. It just opens me up for all kinds of ridicule and pokes a million pinholes in the ever-thinning membrane that is my self-esteem.

Tonight she covered her eyes, scandalized by the very eye-raping that is viewing my nude form. "Gaaaah! You got hair!"

In my defense, funds are tight and brazillian waxes have been put on the back burner. Plus, I'm lazy.

Then she goes, "And your legs are all jingly! Look at them! Jingle! Jingle! Jingle JINGLE!"

I think she meant 'jiggle'.

Oh, just you wait, Lil' Miss Six-Pack. I'm gonna show up at your house on the eve of your 37th birthday and hide in the bathroom and surprise you when you're getting out of the shower, and laugh and laugh and laugh...

wait, that's really creepy.


  1. Aren't daughters fabulous for this kind of thing? I'm planning a similar ambush for my daughter when she gets to be my age.

    And no, it's not creepy. It's karma, baby!

  2. I was going to say I'm glad I have boys, but really, they're just as bad. I'll get a "YOU'RE GOING OUT OF THE HOUSE IN THAT??????" It sucks. Then other times they'll tell me I'm the hot mom, so it all evens out in the end I guess....

  3. That is kind of creepy, but would be really funny! :)

  4. Don't Do IT!!! That's how I got my last three restraining orders!!!

  5. Awww don't worry, just make sure to encourage her to have her OWN kids one day - MMUUWWAAAHHHHAAHAHAH ! :D

  6. Aw jeez, the brain washing starts so early in kids that women should be perfectly hairless with tight unmovable skin. I blame that bitch Barbie.

    Tell her we are supposed to jiggle, that's what separates the real women from the lady boys with a tuck.

    Oh wait, that's probably not the best thing to say to a kid, huh? Lol, that could open up some questions that you might not want to go into. Ah well, you know if anyone ever dared to criticize my cellulite, I'd just tell them it's jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that.

  7. Sadie still wants to be fat someday.
    Also, since we always talk about what will happen when she gets bigger, she automatically assumes that there will be a time when I grow smaller. I do not discourage this idea because I enjoy talking about that fantasy world with her! When I get smaller I am going to wear a ballerina costume with red sparkle wings and fly around.

  8. I still think my kid is a bitch though.

  9. If it makes you feel any better, there are still plenty of men in the world who would be perfectly happy to see you naked like that. Just sayin'