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Monday, March 8, 2010

To Die By Your Side...What a HEAVENLY Way to Die!!!

I can't sleep. I can't get that Smiths song out of my head, the one that, when I was 14 years old and sitting in my room on some Monday night, staring out the window, waiting for my real life to begin, would play continuously on my record player until it skip, skip, skipped and I had to explain to my friend Katie why I fucked up her cool older sister's record album, which we'd stolen anyway and I'd somehow snuck out of Katie's house without her even knowing.

Anyway. I spent a lot of time in my room then, with the blue plaid wallpaper that I'd chosen because it seemed so 'modern' at the time (think Ricky Stratton in Silver Spoons)...I, unlike my unfortunate little sister, had a lock on my door (it was there when we moved in, and my parents never thought to take it off, since I was such a good kid and never the type to lock myself in during a tantrum and threaten to jump out the window) it gave me lots of privacy to scribble angstily in my pile of notebooks or act out sex scenarios with my barbies waaaay past an age that was appropriate. Look, I went to an all-girls Catholic school. I didn't have a lot of opportunities for...release. If you get me.

The record player, though. Oh, I loved that record player. It was one of those suitcase-looking things that actually folded up and was portable and it looked like it was covered in a light denimn fabric. It was cool in a Holly Hobby sort of way. Katie and I listened to that record player the first time we got was on wine coolers that our bus driver had bought for us for some creepy reason that, at the time, didn't seem creepy at just seemed cool. He offered to get us all some booze and drive us all out to a field to drink after the last day of school before our Christmas vacation. Yeeeech. Strangely enough, he didn't do anything weird, he just wanted to help some nerdy, sheltered teenage girls have a good time. I think. Or maybe he had a secret camera somewhere. Anyway. We listened to that Smiths album over and over and sighed heavily, thinking of the futureboys we would meet who would love us and declare their undying devotion by promising that if they had to die, well hell, let them be hit by a doubledecker bus while riding in the passenger seat next to us.

I'm about to turn 37 and I can still feel, think, even freaking TASTE tastes just like strawberry Bartles and Jaymes.


  1. A school bus driver bought you and your girlfriends alcohol and watched you drink it in a secluded area - sounds like you're lucky he just liked to watch. My first album was Shaun Cassidy. He was dreamy.

  2. Totally off subject. I'm gonna be in your neck of the world this weekend with a couple friends. Biloxi for a night, New Orleans for three. One of the guys is making me go with him to some creole national park north of Baton Rouge. He is on a quest to hit every national park in the country and this is on the list. I have to find a way to make that field trip more fun - maybe with a stop in Baton Rouge. Do you have any recommendations for fun bars/restaurants?

    Apologies for the totally random request, but I saw you posted and remembered you are down there now...

  3. Yeah, my teen years taste like screwdrivers (vodka and orange juice) and menthol cigarettes LOL

    My parents had a big ole console stereo, complete with an 8 track tape player LOL I spent alot of time listening to KC and the Sunshine Band, The Osmonds, The BeeGees, The Righteous Brothers, Herb Alpert, The Sound of Music Soundtrack, The Beach Boys and ALOT of classic country.

    Wow..that probably explains alot LOL

  4. I once had a turntable with a steel needle that would devour albums. At some point someone died or something and I inherited a good turntable with a diamond needle. I played the living hell out of some vinyl while sitting in my room wasting time. Now I'm all grown up and this time-wasting should have stopped long ago. But some fool invented the internet and here I am ...

  5. Damn it I wish wine coolers were cool for real because they TASTE good! Why do I have to look lame because I like something that tastes good???

    Busdriver dude - holy wow.

    And dang if this isn't a great post! I love the whole thing, it makes me feel all sentimental and happy because you made me smile :)

  6. I do think we had better childhoods than this internet generation of kids, who don't know what real fun is anymore.

    Good post.

  7. This is a great post! It makes me want to go listen to that Smith's song and moon over Morrissey's prettiness. I liked them, but Liz Phair was my fav. Even back then I sorta knew that my relationships would end up being more Fuck and Run than sweet devotion (unfortunately). Plus Liz was a cool chick who said "fuck" a lot.