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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So's Your Face

I hooked back up with Steph, one of my oldest and dearest friends from high school a few weeks ago (thanks, Facebook! You make it possible to reconnect with both people you want to find and those who you don't want to find you, like the freaky Dominoes pizza guy who stalked you in college! Awesome! BLOCK!!!).

Turns out Steph is the mother to a four year old boy, and at some point our conversation turned to bullying. While we both said we didn't want our kids to be victimized by the little assholes of their respective elementary schools (east coast, deep south, doesn't matter; every school has its own unique breed of tormenters), I was quick to bring up how upset I'd be if Lily ended up bullying someone else.

I mean, having been the recipient of much cruel, pointless bitchery in junior high (my best friend broke up with me the summer before 8th grade, dropping me for a more popular group of fembot preteen witches, and she would routinely call me, all contrite and sweet, "Do you want to be best friends again?" and I'd get tears in my eyes, "Yes! YES!!!", at which point she'd splurt, "Well, I DON'T!!!" and then I'd be treated to the snickers of a bunch of girls on the extension before the phone got slammed down in my ear and I ran to my mother's lap to cry for hours), I know how mean girls can be.

While I can't imagine rasing a bully, I sure do know how to comfort and pep-talk the hell out of a kid who is being tormented for no good reason. My parents had their hands full with me, between the junior high c-u-next-tuesdays and a girl in elementary school named Danielle Crabtree, who thought it hilarious to make fun of my Italian last name and tell me I was stupid for believing in Santa Claus. My father's answer was, "YOUR last name? Just call her Danielle Crab-Ass!" and I knew it was no laughing manner when my father actually gave me permission to curse. I never did use the expletive when dealing with Danielle, opting instead to just ignore her, but I kept it in my arsenal in case of future necessity. She ended up moving away anyway.

The point is, my parents taught me well about compassion and boosting a little girl's self-esteem when she's being picked on. But if Lily turned out to be the one doing the picking, I would be downright distraught. I mean, what drives a child to be cruel? Is it innate? Is it them acting out something going on at home? Are some kids just born bad? I don't know the answer to this. And my hope is that Lily will end up being friends with everybody, and feel no need to vent inner rage on others for no good reason. She will be the philanthropic do-gooder kid in her school, opting to start a PETA club and boycotting prom and being voted friendliest or most likely to change the world. OK, maybe I'm getting carried away. I'd settle for happy and well-adjusted.

As long as she's kind to her fellow man, I'm cool.

5 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear of your bullying days. THose bitches sounded horrid. A couple girls picked on me once but I had the sarcastic, caustic tongue that could flay anyone alive whilst making them the butt of the joke as everyonhe laughed at them.
    Wrong girl, they learned.

    I wonder if parents recognize if their kids are bullies? Do you think these girls parents knew?

    Your former best friend sounded the worst.

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  2. There is a point to be made that the female of our species will use emotions to do harm while the males use physical violence. My guess is this is a trait passed on and not learned.

    Gone to look up Danielle Crab-ass on FB to beat her up!

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  3. Girls are so mean. It kinda makes me happy I have boys. Nitewalk6 is right, with girls, it's pretty much all emotional torture. At least if one of my boys is getting picked on, he'll come home with a black eye or something of the sort, then I can torture the hell out of the sorry kid who messed with either of them.

    I'm not sure if I believe bullying is an inherited or learned trait though. I've seen my fair share of bullying and it's all types of kids that do it. Most of the time the parents are totally ignorant to the fact that their sweet, adorable baby is doing something so horrific to another person.

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  4. Love "Danielle Crab-Ass." Whenever a kid gave me a hard time, my mother would say, "She's just jealous" or "That big horse, what does she know?" Because I was such a runt, everyone was a "big horse."

    You do have to wonder why kids get to be like that.

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  5. Ah! Memories! In grade 6 i got in a tiff with my pal- who then found her way into the "popular group". I wrote her a letter of "apology" (for acts I'm sure was not necessary) and she met me in the gym, popular crowd in tow and RIPPED UP MY LETTER in front of everyone.

    Ugh.

    Good news is; once we hit highschool she became a NOBODY and me- well ...
    everyone loves me :)

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